I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
