i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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