I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
