Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
