I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
