You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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