Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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