I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
