I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
