5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
