hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
