last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
