i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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