i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
