I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
