I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
