don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
