the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
