If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
3 2 1 whiskey
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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