Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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