I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
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