I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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