we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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