i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
