When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
