i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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