My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
