hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
