Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
