I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
