it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
