i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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