her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
