Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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