This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
