I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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