Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
dude. I can hear the air.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
