Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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