woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
