You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
