1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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