I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I want to be your penis for a week.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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