I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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