I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
