he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
