I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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