the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
