i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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