I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
