I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
