i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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