party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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