I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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