i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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