Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
