She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
