you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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