I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
