Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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