I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize