I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize