Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my shit smells like andre
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
