I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it's like heaven, but drunker
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
