quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
