That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
