Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
