is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Still dying that you shit outside
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
