You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
