Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
