GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
