i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
