She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
