I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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