I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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