I cockslap morals
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
