A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
