hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
