Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
